It's so cold out right now, a lawyer might have his hands in his own pockets. Hoping this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl makes you feel all warm and tingly. (Just kidding. I really don't have time to care about that.)
1
That ingenious password you created, with the varied capitalization and myriad of symbols and characters, is all fun and games until you have to enter it using your TV remote.
2
If I utter the words, "Don't worry! I don't plan to stay out late," and you are really leaning more toward going home to bed, do not, under any circumstances, come out with me. Because I've just told you a bold-faced lie. Not intentionally. Just is what it is.
3
We were eating wings with dry rub, and I noted how very uncomfortable that sounds in many other situations, causing my friends to nearly spit their beers on me.
4
I don't care if you see your long-lost child in the window at the drive-thru - you schedule another time to catch up. Especially if you know you're making a left out of the parking lot, and I have no choice but to be stuck behind you.
5
My cousin recently sent me a picture of The Penis Museum in Iceland. I told her I have a friend who visited that very museum last Spring Break. Oddly enough, right after that visit, this friend decided to get rid of the dick in her life.
6
I wish oranges would peel themselves.
7
Don't you love when you type up a whole page of copy, and you don't look up to see that you've had the Caps Lock on the entire time? It's kind of like pressing the power spray option on your sink nozzle, which does not turn off automatically, forgetting you did that, turning on the sink again and getting blasted with water when all you wanted to do was quickly rinse a glass.
8
Do you get a discount if you live on Scratchville Road or Locust Lane? What about Divorce Court? As a budding realtor, I'm trying to figure out how to market such idiocy.
9
I refuse to get a full-length mirror for my house. I just assume I look like shit, and if it happens to be a good day where I am wrong about that, well that's just a bonus.
10
My impending birthday has caused for a bit of nostalgia recently. Remember the President's Physical Fitness test? I wanted that certificate so badly that I actually TRAINED for it. What the hell happened 1982? Oh wait, vodka. #50
If the announcement of Nick Cannon's 12th child didn't incense you enough this week, maybe the price of T Swift concert tickets did the trick. Must be holiday angst, but I'm riled up of late. Help me calm the fuck down by trying one of these liquors with anything as a mixer. The descriptions had me ROFLing!
Distractify
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