So this week, a bride and her caterer drugged the wedding guests through the food served. I'm hoping I don't need to shove this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl down your throat. Here goes...
1
My favorite headline this week (and it IS real) - "Michigan kindergartner brings tequila to school and shares with classmates." Did I leave my illegitimate kid in that God-forsaken state five years ago? Apparently.
2
It might come as a surprise, but I like to volunteer my time. I also like to gently coerce others to volunteer their time with me. Just ask the gaggle of poor elementary and middle school parents who I have unknowingly brainwashed into helping me with different events. But instead of saying I force people to do these things, I like to think of it as them being "Volun-told."
3
Ever feel like you forgot your deodorant in the morning? So you lift your arms up over your head, pretending to give a big yawn, and when no one is looking, you take a secret sniff of your underarm so deep, you think you might pass out? And then you do pass out, because your suspicions were correct? Yeah, me neither.
4
Why do we pace the house when we're on a call? My husband is infamous for this. He works from home (even before COVID), and is constantly on his phone. I'm pretty sure that if he had a Fitbit, it would explode on his arm, because it could not keep up with that many steps.
5
The other day, I was wrapping some gifts. I ended one roll at the same time as another roll. And as soon as my husband walked into the room, no words were needed. We each just picked up these finished rolls of wrapping paper, stood face-to-face, and reenacted a scene from Star Wars that should have been filmed!
6
I am a woman of simple tastes when it comes to clothing. And thanks to all the drinking I do, you know I'm ecstatic when I find a piece of clothing that actually fits. So when that happens, I don't buy just one of these (fill in the blank). I buy one in every color! That way, I have a simple variety that I know will fit when my ass is running out the door, 10 minutes later than it should have been.
7
Ever lied during "Never have I Ever?" I do. All the time. I just want people to feel better about themselves. Or is it that I want them to think better of me? #youwillneverknow
8
Whenever I am done at the cash register, I feel this pressure to get away from the cash register as soon as possible. So, I take my change and my receipts and shove them into my wallet/purse, just so the person in back of my doesn't need to be inconvenienced. Why? Because this certainly is not any convenience to me. I have either jammed the paper in the zipper of said money holder, or I inadvertently crumpled up the receipt, only to throw it away, when I really needed it to return the item I hated.
9
I'm on hold, and I choose the option to not have music playing during this hold time. Which would be fine, except choosing the non-music option means hearing the same whiny bitch say the same damn thing over and over again every three minutes. #fml #playthatfunkymusicwhiteboy
10
I bought a new non-stick pan. I returned it, because I could not get the giant insert sticker off the inner cooking surface. #chewonthat
Give your time unselfishly. But when you're done, and you're spent, spend some time making this delish recipe below...
Pick me, pick me!
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