I had a funny, friend-driven post planned for this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl. Then, Uvalde happened. And I'm just not feeling funny anymore. So I am going to share ten opinions this week, and I hope these make you think and talk to your families and friends about how we can all help to combat and conquer the darkness that continues to blanket our world.
1
The type of mental anguish that someone feels, where they think the only solution is to pick up a gun and shoot others and/or kill themselves to make it end, is not something that happens overnight. It comes from years of mental and/or physical abuse. Often times, this kind of abuse starts as early as elementary school. We need to start teaching our kids to be nice to other people, not because it's politically correct, but because it's the right fucking thing to do.
2
The color of my skin, where I was born, who I choose to love, what God I pray to or the fact that I do/do not have a penis does not make me any better or worse than anyone else. We are people, and all people should be treated with kindness and respect. Just because I don't think or act exactly like you doesn't mean what I think or do is wrong. It's just different. And how boring would life be if we were all exactly the same?
3
The kind of bias discussed above doesn't come out of nowhere. When we're young, we don't care who we play with. Our friends could have one eye, three feet, green hair - whatever - and we would just enjoy being with them. But then we're exposed to people with generations of prejudice and resentment running through them, and we emulate these people, and we start to believe what they believe. Now, that green hair or missing limb is weird, and we start moving away from great people for no legitimate reason. We have to stop doing that. And we have to stop excusing bad behavior because, "we can't change people," or "that's they way they think," or "their opinion doesn't matter." You know why? Because it does. And if you hear something over and over and over again, from someone who really matters to you, you have a high likelihood of adopting those beliefs.
4
I don't care if I get attacked for this statement, but here goes - gun control is not enough. I am not saying that gun control wouldn't help. But I wasn't 21 when I had my first drink in a bar. My point being, if someone wants a gun, they will find a gun. The larger, highly-ignored, REAL issue with the person wanting that gun for violence is that the person needs help with MENTAL HEALTH! How many people reading this have found the need to seek the help of a therapist? Out of those people, how many of you actually have a health insurance policy that covers ANY of the expense of that therapy? Most therapists charge hundreds of dollars an hour. And if you need help, that is supposed to be paid out-of-pocket. So if you are a hard worker with a modest income, and you think you, your spouse or your child could benefit from talking to someone, but you also need to put food on the table, how are you supposed to pay for that help? This, of course, doesn't also take into consideration how difficult it is to find a therapist you can work with AND who is available. Not to mention the stigma society places on getting help through therapy. I'm here to validate you. It's OK to not be OK! Stop making people feel like shit, because they don't have it all figured out. ESPECIALLY KIDS.
5
I'll say it again. It's OK to not be OK. But you know what is not OK? The fact that I have had to sit in a pitch-black, classroom closet, with a group of 20+ first graders, so that we can practice what to do if another young child comes into our school, trying to kill us with a lethal weapon. The words "school" and "shooting" being used in the same sentence is revoltingly ridiculous. And our kid's brains are not equipped to deal with this, no matter how many ways we try to explain it.
6
We are ignoring the long-term MENTAL effects of COVID. Of course, tragedies like this week began long before COVID. But this isolation, sickness and fear have been dragging on for years now. We thought it would be done in weeks. I foolishly remember thinking to myself, oh, I am so glad I have an older child during this pandemic (did I even know that word before 2020?) - one who is old enough to be home alone and do school alone and always be by herself. Joke was on me. The exhaustion, frustration and depression brought on by all of this is something I hope we can overcome in time. And I am someone who was fortunate enough to be home with my family a lot. Kids cannot handle as much as we think. Hell, adults cannot handle as much as we think. Stop pretending they can. And stop limiting access to the help everyone needs to cope.
7
The irony of my next statement is not lost on me, but it needs to be said - while social media has some benefits, overall, it is highly toxic. The constant "look at me! look at me!" and comparisons between the haves and the have nots is EXHAUSTING! I am an adult with a pretty full life, and even I get stuck looking at posts thinking, "why can't I be like that?" Or look like that. Or have that? There are soooo many social media apps that suck the life out of us, yet we still remain slaves to them. Even those who try to take a break come back. You have FOMO. It's an addiction. And just one more thing to cause anxiety in an overly anxious world.
8
While the events of the past week (don't forget, there were also shootings at a church and a grocery store) make me sick to my stomach, when I heard about Uvalde, I wasn't overly surprised that it happened. No longer do we hear about these things and think, "that can never happen!" Because it does happen. ALL THE TIME. So much so that we've become numb to it. Almost expect it. How the hell did we let it come to this?
9
This is not simply a political issue. We do need many policy changes. But so much change could begin at the roots, in our own homes. In our own families. Pay attention. Spend time. Put down the phone, the computer, the distractions. Listen. And be heard. Smile at someone. Compliment another. You really do not ever know when your kindness might change the direction of someone's thoughts and actions. And it costs nothing except your care and attention.
10
We have to stop thinking this will fix itself or go away. These headlines don't end. Hospitalization, murder, suicide - what's the magic number that's going to make things change? You can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. We have to snap out of this complacency with tragedy. Like now.
I'm not even sure what I typed above constitutes clear thinking. When I moved back to Connecticut 10 years ago, I had a first grade child, and we looked at many houses in Sandy Hook/Newtown before we chose to live in Southbury. That luck/good fortune has never been forgotten by me. Yet, I can't believe in that 10 years, nothing has really changed. Well, nothing expect more lives lost and families destroyed. I don't have the answer. My heart goes out to anyone hurting today. You know how to find me if you need me.
What the world needs now
댓글