Paris Hilton announced that she will wear 10 different dresses for her upcoming three-day wedding affair. I'm trying to be that kind of trendsetter by providing you with another 10 of my diatribes in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
I'm watching a lot of people move their kids into college dorms right now. Their beds are on stilts higher than my head. How the heck are you supposed to crawl into something like that when you're drunk? I'd be paralyzed or dead if these were my college days.
2
Why does the fire alarm battery die out only when you're sleeping? Mine never starts every alarm chirping throughout the house at 11:00am. NO! It has to start between 1:00am and 4:00am only!!
3
I get about a million checks from banks at work. All are attached to a larger, wasted sheet of paper with a perforated line to detach. Except, that perforation is just below the folded crease in the paper, causing the paper to go into mass confusion about which to rip - the fold or the perforation - and usually results in a ripped check!
4
Here in CT, we are charged for bags at stores. This caused many of us to order reusable bags in different shapes and sizes to accommodate all of our purchases. Which is fantastic. If you remember to actually bring those bags into the store with you. Instead, what happens is that I get to the store, I am on the phone, I get out of my car and walk into the store, complete my shopping, remember that I have a trunk full of reusable bags and end up paying ten cents per bag at checkout, because I don't want to have to bag my groceries or purchases in the parking lot.
5
Thanks to COVID, people are very uncertain as to how to greet other people now. So you can imagine the look of sheer terror on a person's face when someone coughs or blows his/her/their nose right before he/she/they are introduced to someone new.
6
Also thanks to the VID, many people have gone for quite a while without any type of regular cold. So when you do get a cold in the summer, it's like triply annoying, because colds and viruses are for the cold-weather months, dammit!
7
When on vacation, one often visits many, many souvenir shops. While it seems that they all have the same stuff, they don't. I know this because it takes a while to sift through the gazillion t-shirt or sweatshirt options to find the perfect one. And when I do, you know damn well that will be the only piece of clothing in the whole town they do not have in my size.
8
I mainly wear contacts, but I have glasses for when my contacts are bothering me. The other day, I had the pleasure of wearing my glasses while it was raining. And I had to run several errands. And this made me wonder why the heck they haven't created little windshield wipers for eye glasses, so people can freakin' see while walking in the rain!!
9
I'm old, so I both don't sleep well and also fall asleep randomly throughout the day. The best though is when I'm watching TV at night with my family, and my daughter can clearly see that I'm half asleep, so she asks me if I'm seeping. Incredulously, I say, "no, I am not!" And about two minutes later, I start snoring. (Caveat - this might also be because I've had a few drinks, stopped drinking, then started to experience that end-of-drinking exhaustion that sets in - wink, wink!).
10
I was flipping through a tabloid mag recently, and it featured an actress, in the nude, with stars over her nips. Um, editors, do you really think we don't know what's under there? And do you actually think readers, young or old, see anything but boobs in that pic? Now it's just starry boobs, drawing your attention to it even more. I guess you could say, "try harder," here, and infer from that whatever you want.
Summer is winding down, and so is my motivation. I have a decent list of fan submissions, so I am going to make next week's post another Fan Stan. Privately send me your submissions throughout the week, and I'll either include them or save them for the next, juicy shout out edition. Until then, stay cool.
I'll have what she's having
Comments