Elon Musk furthered his portfolio by finally acquiring Twitter. His plans to increase revenue there include slashing jobs and charging for free speech. This week, be thankful that I run a solo ship, and I will never charge you a cent to read my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl. (Disclaimer - if you do, in fact, want to sponsor me, Mr. Musk, I would never turn down free money. Just sayin'.)
1
I ordered a new mattress on Amazon. It was delivered yesterday in a large box that the driver left it in the middle of my driveway. The only marking on the box is "SM." So now, my neighbors driving by think I ordered a huge sex swing for my dungeon. #great
2
You are running late, and you need to pop into the pharmacy for a hot second. When you get there, there is not a space in sight, so you might as well have just walked from home and it would have been quicker. You are in the store for less than five minutes, and when you come out, the parking lot is bare. #really?
3
Finally, you put on your liquid eyeliner, and it is absolutely perfect. Lines well-defined, no touch up needed. And then you sneeze, causing the line to not only repeat itself on the top of your lid, but also on the bottom, making you resemble a crying raccoon. (Bonus - if you are of a certain age, you might also have tinkled in your pants a tad.) #dammit
4
How does gum go from being cool and refreshing to making you want to gag in a matter of minutes? #wheresatissue
5
You are on a very curvy road, and you're behind an intolerably slow vehicle. There are no other cars on the road UNTIL you finally reach the dotted passing line, at which time at least five cars come out of nowhere, driving on the other side, ending their run exactly as you get to the last dot of hope to get by this car that is making you late for life. #sooooooofrustrating
6
Also, these new "You're Driving Too Fast" signs with the blinking red and blue lines are achieving their goal of giving me a heart attack. But here is the thing - you can't tell me I'm speeding but then not tell me what the actual speed limit is!! #icantdrive55
7
Heard two of the best made up words in conversations recently. The first is Houseitosis - when you cook the stinkiest food known to man, and the smell permeates through your house for days. The second is Gymjuries - injuries which happen to gymnasts, obviously in a gym. However, this last one can also be used for all of the men of my generation who think they are in such great shape and can still play sports like they were teens, but end up constantly complaining about aching body parts, or even better, in surgery from overexerting something. #actyouragenotyourshoesize
8
Food for thought - being fully naked feels less naked than being naked with shoes on. #thinkaboutit
9
With Halloween just having happened, it made me wonder - why do vampires always look so gorgeous and put together when they can't even see themselves in the mirror?
10
They're. Their. There. They're going to their car parked over there. #usethis #yourewelcome
We are about to enter the season of small talk - endless cocktail parties, filled with people you usually try to avoid. So, take some tips from the Twitter fanatic in my link, order a martini to sound chic, and get ready to learn frivolous nothings about everyone (including a lot of shit you wish you never knew!).
Small Talk Tips
Comments