I have watched some weird-ass performances this week (see Sam Smith and Kim Petras do Unholy things at the Brit Awards and Rhianna dance with Oompa Loompas at the Super Bowl). So, I am thinking that my Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl might be a little tame this week.
1
I love when I'm rushing to write a witty response but autocorrect keeps changing the hilarious comeback words I'm writing, still I go back and edit it and hit send, thinking I finally got my quips out there in a reasonable amount of time, but it STILL ducking changes what I'm trying to say, making the whole thing completely irrelevant.
2
The guy in front of me at the grocery checkout bought over 10 packs of frozen peas the other day. I was so, so tempted to shout out, "so when's the vasectomy?"
3
On my way to and from work every day, I pass a place called The Cat Cottage. I have no idea what this business actually is, but I am fairly certain I have never heard of anything quite as frightening as a building filled with cats that I picture as rabid, numerous and waiting for you to come on in.
4
We were playing Bunco at my house the night Burt Bacharach died, so we told Alexa to play music by this very accomplished and beloved composer. And that was fine until the station got to "What's New Pussycat?" and then we told Alexa to shut up. To hear the only way to tolerate this song, check out this clip from comedian John Mulaney - https://youtu.be/aYIwPu50Fic.
5
How much cocaine did some movie mogul snort before deciding that the movie "Cocaine Bear" was a good decision?
6
I like to think of myself as unforgettable. So, it really pisses me off when someone I met A MILLION times, sees me AGAIN, and pretends that they have never met me. I mean, come on! You can not remember my name, but please do not act that you've never seen my damn face.
7
I was surprised to read that only 56% of Google users have ever googled themselves. Until I googled myself and decided this was like going to a fortune teller - what I don't know is better left unknown.
8
I also read that cheese is the most commonly shoplifted food in the world. Some might be surprised by this. I, however, am not. There are times when I feel like I might trade my child in for a block of cheddar. Or I'd give up my goods for some Gouda. Throw in a sleeve of crackers or a nice crusty bread, and you can have whatever you want, anytime.
9
Back to Bunco, sort of. It's a dice game. That's the only relevance to this one. Still I am fascinated by the fact that the opposite sides of dice always add up to seven. Use two die to prove this, and it might just blow your mind.
10
Another thing I learned - the dot above a lowercase "i" and "j" has a name. That name is a "tittle" which is a combination of the words "tiny" and "little." Of course, that led me to think of little titties, which I do not have. So the new word I am coming up with for my girls is "barge," the combination of "big" and "large." Now you can see me and say, "You got barge boobs, bitch!" And I will take that as a compliment. #unforgettable
I'm heading out like a fetus to Cali this week to check out colleges for my baby. How did we get here so fast? At least she's choosing an area of the country I actually enjoy visiting. To celebrate, here's a fun recipe that will add a little sunshine in your belly (by the way, pretty sure any fruit and run-of-the-mill canned whipped cream will work just fine too.
California Dreamin'
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