I don't even understand what's going on in the world right now. It's fall, but we're getting summer weather here in the Northeast. We have a new, unknown Speaker of the House who might send us back to the Dark Ages, and the world's oldest dog EVER (31 people years, 217 dog years) just died. At least one thing will never change - I am still bitching about stupid shit in this week's Deep Thoughts Thursday with The Boozy Weathergirl.
1
You know it's a slow news week when the lead story in The Patch is stats about car crashes involving deer. Of course, as soon as I read this and thought my snarky thoughts, I almost hit two deer, on two separate mornings, in places where I have never seen deer before. #fml
2
I go over speed bumps on my way to work. Instead of slowing me down though, I secretly think, every day, that I would like to rev up my engine and fly over those moe foes.
3
My whole family was sick last week, and I bought some more Mucinex. On the box, it reads "100% More" as a selling point. It is true that the box contained 28 instead of 14 pills. But it's not like you gave me 28 pills at the same price as 14. I paid double what I paid for 14. So, who gives a shit that there are 100% more? I also paid 100% more, idiots.
4
One of the best things I heard all week - are there any honchos other than head honchos?
5
I am one of those people who has drinking rosacea. So, while I would love to pretend I have not been drinking, it's just not possible.
6
I've noticed lately how infrequently people in charge of TV or film props forget to put any kind of liquid in the cups out of which actors are supposedly drinking. Like, is it that hard to make fake coffee? Or fake champagne? I mean, I tried to do this ALL THE TIME when I was little. Like seriously, I could do this job.
7
Going through this college application process, also having applied for jobs in the past with an online application, why do you ask people to upload a resume and then ask them to AGAIN fill in all of the same information that they already provided on that resume?
8
I don't care how big of a rush you are in - if you don't let the person behind you in the grocery store line with one item to your 20 go ahead of you, you're a dick.
9
You know who I want to punch in the face? People who say stupid shit like, "This is my truth." You want to know THE truth? Because I have no problem sharing it, at all. You are annoying AF, and the fact that you have to promote your bullshit like that just makes you more of a nuisance.
10
Why do adults have to spend money on designated drivers? We spend enough on drinks. All we're looking for is a charity where all these fabulously-sober people set up on street corners, driving us sinners to safety. Is that too much to ask?
I don't have much in terms of a summary. Have a Halloween party on tap this weekend. We have to dress up as something that starts with "G," but I can't go as myself. Bummer. I was going to stuff my bra even bigger. Here are some Hocus Pocus-like cocktails for you to create some magic wherever your broomstick takes you!
Creepy Cocktails
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